Manly Manners by Wayne James is Now Published

 

Front Cover of Manly Manners (Vol. I).jpg

 

Embattled Former U.S. Virgin Islands Senator and Senate Liaison to the White House Wayne James Releases 800-Page, Cutting-Edge Etiquette Book, Manly Manners.

Former U.S. Virgin Islands senator and Senate Liaison to the White House Wayne James has just released his highly anticipated etiquette book for men, Manly Manners: Lifestyle & Modern Etiquette for the Young Man of the 21st Century. Published by the iUniverse division of Penguin-Random House, the provocative, edgy, 840-page book—the first of a three-volume treatise totaling 2,100 pages—has been in the making for six years. Since January of 2011, the author has lived on three continents and one archipelago—South America, North America, Europe, and the Caribbean—researching for and writing the treatise, which is already being called “The most comprehensive work on male comportment,” “Refreshingly inclusive and matter-of-factly cosmopolitan,” and “A tour de force.”

James, a Georgetown University law graduate, fashion designer, scholar of Danish West Indies history, and art collector, is also no stranger to controversy: In June of 2016, he waived extradition and was returned to the U.S. Virgin Islands from Italy in August to face Federal criminal charges for alleged “fiscal inconsistencies” during his 2009 – 2011 senate term. James was indicted under seal in October of 2015 and first became aware of the charges eight months later, in June of 2016. He has pleaded not guilty to all charges but was declared a “flight risk” and denied bail until October 7, 2016, when he posted bail and was released under 24/7 lockdown “home incarceration” pending the trial. The trial is scheduled for February 2017.

“Much has—apparently—been said about me while I was abroad on my writing-sojourn,” James said. “Now, after almost six years of rumors and false accusations, I will have my say in a court of law.”

Besides refreshingly covering conventional etiquette-book topics such as table manners, men’s grooming and hygiene, receiving lines, how to hold a glass of red wine versus a glass of white, and how to conduct oneself at an Audience with the pope, Manly Manners also delves into subjects once regarded as taboo or unthinkable for gentlemanly-types: what to do when detained by law enforcement officers; the etiquette of gay saunas, gloryholes, and fetish parties; how to “shop while ethnic”; how to survive prison; the etiquette of os impurum, irrumatio, anilingus, and cunnilingus; how to avoid being shot on a front porch while seeking emergency assistance in the middle of the night; delicate ways of suggesting an enema to a sex-partner prior to engaging in anal sex; and how to masturbate—correctly—so as to avoid contracting Peyronie’s Disease. The book, its Foreword written by Finland’s and Sweden’s Baron Peter von Troil, also has a substantial chapter titled “International Customs and Influences,” which discusses everything from what to do if invited to a wedding in India or Iran, a Bar Mitzvah in Argentina, a funeral in Japan, a business meeting in China, or a dinner in Dubai, to the protocol of a coffee ceremony in Ethiopia. Then there is a 200-page chapter—practically a book in itself—on how to plan a same-sex wedding from A to Z.

“My aim was to write a reference book that engages readers like a mystery or romance novel,” said James, dubbed “The ‘Bad Boy’ of Good Manners.” “The book entices young men, word by word, sentence by sentence, page by page. I envision males, ages 16 to 60, staying up late into the night reading Manly Manners—even if under the bedsheets with the aid of a flashlight!”

Volume two, Manly Manners: The Cultivation of the Inner, Spiritual Gentleman, will be released in June of 2017; and volume three, Manly Manners: The Masculine Luxuries, will be published in October of 2017.

James will announce his book-tour and lecture schedules after the February trial. “Since June of 2016, I have been in four prisons and have seen and experienced a segment of the male population that has given me a more complete outlook on what it is to be a man in the 21st century,” James said. “My recent experiences, when put into the context of my eventful life, have made me especially qualified to speak to men from all walks of life—from the noble to the notorious—on matters pertaining to modern men’s lifestyle. I also have a thing or two to say about the ‘Presumption of Innocence’ and prison reform! Many a grown man would have succumbed under similar circumstances. But this is all a testament to one of my primary outlooks on life: ‘As you surmount the various obstacles on your road to success, you get a clearer view of your final destination.’ Besides, now I can truly say that I have friends in high—and low—places. And now I can speak about it all in a more Zen way,” James concluded.

Manly Manners: Lifestyle & Modern Etiquette for the Young Man of the 21st Century (ISBN: 978-1-4917-9427-2), distributed by Ingram Books, the world’s largest distributor of books, is available in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats online at http://www.amazon.com , http://www.BarnesandNoble.com , and http://www.iUniverse.com , as well as in bookstores worldwide and at other online booksellers.

 

 

Manly Manners–The Preface

Preface

The summer my father departed St. Croix for Copenhagen in order to continue his studies in Denmark and Sweden, he was just a few months shy of his seventeenth birth date. Packed away in his valise was a copy of the 1935 edition of William O. Stevens’ The Correct Thing: A Guide Book of Etiquette for Young Men. The little blue book had been given to him as a bon voyage gift by his father, Isaac Gateword James (1893-1978), who knew from personal experience that the information contained in the book’s 156 pages would prove invaluable for his eldest son as he interacted with members of some of Scandinavia’s finest families during his four-year stay with the Hagemann family at their 16th-century castle, Bjersjӧholm, which overlooks the Baltic Sea at Sweden’s southern coastline. The year was 1936; young Gustav was already a very conspicuous 6 feet, 4 inches tall; and he was a black boy from a picturesque Caribbean island en route to a faraway country where even dark-haired white people were a curiosity. Isaac knew, firsthand, the social challenges his son would face because 30 years earlier, in 1907, he had journeyed to Denmark as a 14-year-old to further his education, living with the same Hagemann family at one of their other castles, Borupgaard, in Helsingør, and at their mansion in Copenhagen on fashionable Bredgade. Isaac’s mother, Roxcelina John James (1863-1950), had given him the 1892 edition of Edward John Hardy’s Manners Makyth Man as his bon voyage gift, she being very much aware that a tall, slender, beautiful black boy living amongst European elites would be carefully observed, not only by the masters of the house, but also by the household staff as well as guests. So by 1979, when it was time for me to embark upon my path of higher education, I had been long groomed in the intricacies of polite society, and books on etiquette were as referred to in my household at La Grange as were cookbooks. So packed away in my carry-on were two books on comportment: a 1950s’ edition of The Correct Thing, and Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette. Both books would serve me well throughout my undergraduate years at Bradley—so much so that at some point in my early 40s, I decided that I should write a book that would help young men navigate society the way the books I had been privileged to read had guided me. But having cast aside my Georgetown University law degree immediately upon graduating in order to embark upon a career as a designer of upscale women’s fashion, I knew—despite the arguably superficial nature of garments—that even clothes have to be as beautifully constructed on the inside as on the outside—if they are to endure. So it was only fitting that I would approach the reputedly superficial subject of etiquette in the same manner—building beautiful behavior from the inside out, thereby adding intellectual substance to the age-old form.

When I decided that I would make my contribution to the field of etiquette via a book written specifically for young men, my natural inclination was to look carefully at the great books on men’s manners that had guided me with the aim of significantly improving upon them—not only by updating them so as to account for the changing times, customs, and realities of 21st-century society, but also to add substantive content and to chart new territory, in some instances addressing topics that would have been regarded as taboo by previous generations.

The first step was to place myself in an intellectually stimulating environment where I could brainstorm. So I boarded a jet for New York City, arrived at a friend’s apartment, and immediately went to work jotting down—sometimes frantically—all the things I would want a younger brother, son, nephew, company representative, or student, for example, to know about etiquette. Ten days later, chapter outlines began taking form. Then the following month, I flew to Rio de Janeiro, rented an apartment located a stone’s throw from the beach in Ipanema, and began the process of thinking about my approaches to the various chapters—with the aid of caipirinhas, the city’s dramatic beauty, and the rhythms of the samba as catalysts, of course. It was in Brazil, after fully reviewing the scope of the various chapters and writing the rationale for the book, that its specific format assumed form: A three-volume work, Volume I, Manly Manners: Lifestyle & Modern Etiquette for the Young Man of the 21st Century being devoted to everything from how to correctly use a bidet to how to inhale brandy’s bouquet; Volume II, Manly Manners: The Cultivation of the Inner, Spiritual Gentleman, the premise of which is that at the foundation of etiquette is ethics; and Volume III, Manly Manners: The Masculine Luxuries, a book that exposes young men to the elegant, sophisticated elements of life, addressing topics are varied and arcane as the Italian tabarro and Persian seer torshi haft saleh.

After two scintillating months in Rio, I dashed off to Italy and settled into a beautiful apartment at a friend’s Palladian villa, situated commandingly atop a Tuscan hill. There, I remained for one glorious year, writing, writing, writing. The end of each day of writing would be punctuated, ellipses-like, by a long walk amidst the estate’s grapevines and olive trees, inhaling the salubrious Italian countryside and reaping its inspiration.

The result of that most peaceful of years and the four years that would immediately follow it is a three-volume work founded on the concept that several things must converge for the making of a gentleman, three of the foremost being good manners, an ethical approach to living, and exposure to the elegant, sophisticated aspects of life. There is little point in teaching etiquette without also teaching ethics, for a man who possesses all the trappings of correct behavior but lacks correct sentiments at the foundation of his behavior is but a façade of a gentleman. Likewise, a kind, gentle, generous man who lacks sophistication would qualify as a gentle man, but not as a gentleman. The Manly Manners trilogy, unlike the traditional books on men’s manners, endeavors to groom whole men, not shadows of men.

The Manly Manners trilogy does not contain an introduction, for, unfortunately, many young men read them, if at all, perfunctorily. Instead, each volume of the treatise begins with a Chapter One that provides the map of the global and intellectual journey upon which the reader will be taken as he reads and digests the contents of each volume. Each book’s Chapter One also unabashedly addresses a very real issue for modern-day young men: Why a book on etiquette in this day and age where social “requirements” are oftentimes relaxed away into nonexistence? Chapter One also presents a cogent case to any young man who wants to advance himself spiritually, emotionally, and socially.

And Manly Manners provides a refreshing departure from the traditional, decidedly snobbish approach to books on etiquette by purposefully avoiding, whenever possible, exclusionary terms and phrases such as “good breeding,” “station in life,” “aristocratic sensibilities,” “of high birth,” “privileged class” and “good families,” for example. To the contrary, the aim of the series is to demonstrate that any man is capable of transforming himself into a true gentleman, and that there is nothing “fuddy-duddy” or “staid” about being a gentleman. To the contrary, the Manly Manners trilogy proves that etiquette is quite exciting (and sometimes downright sexy)!

Finally, the traditional approach to tackling a book on etiquette is for the reader to first consult its Table of Contents, then select the area of interest, reading only that section. Then, with time, as additional information is sought, the entire book is perhaps read, albeit in a haphazard manner. It is my hope, however, that readers of the Manly Manners trilogy will read each volume from cover to cover since the volumes are numbered and the chapters therein are strategically presented such that they take the reader on a voyage from the practical to the philosophical and sublime to the elegant and beautiful, and from the privacy of his bedroom to the boardroom of multinational corporation in faraway lands. And in doing so, the trilogy, because of its international applicability, effortlessly and matter-of-factly demonstrates that the people of the world are much more alike than they are different.

So “Bon Voyage,” young men! And like I and my forefathers did, be sure to pack a good book on manners for men—hopefully the Manly Manners trilogy.

Manly Manners Foreword–by Baron Peter von Troil

Foreword

June 2, 2016

If knowledge is power, then Wayne James has eloquently and elegantly succeeded in empowering 21st-century young men through his Manly Manners trilogy: The treatise is a veritable encyclopedia on modern men’s lifestyle. Seamlessly and with an uncanny facility, the author waltzes from conventional to cutting-edge, and from taboo to traditional. No stone worth turning is left unturned. Attention is paid to detail, but not pedantically so; instead, the treatise is delightfully didactic. The vast amount of information is presented so as to encourage readers to savor every word, every page. Manly Manners is a tour de force.

But what makes the work singularly invaluable within its genre is its ability to liberate and validate all men! We, in all our shapes and sizes, nationalities and cultures, and religious and political persuasions, are all embraced in the author’s words. Now eclipsed are the manners books of yesteryear that engendered elitism, exclusivity, and privilege. Manly Manners celebrates tolerance, inclusiveness, and diversity. Finally, we have a treatise on men’s etiquette and lifestyle that argues that gentlemanliness is the birthright of all men. And, finally, we have a literary work on men’s manners that acknowledges the various expressions of masculinity. With the power of the pen, Wayne James has uplifted all men.

The author and I grew up together: We would swim together as boys in the frigid Baltic Sea, and indulge in the Swedish tradition of crayfish and Schnapps each August; my bride wore a Wayne James wedding gown that my maternal grandmother declared the most beautiful she had ever seen; Wayne, in his capacity of godfather, held my infant daughter in his arms as she was baptized; we rang in the millennium together at a masquerade ball in Gamla stan, Stockholm; and he and I stood shoulder-to-shoulder as my dear grandfather was delivered to eternal repose on a winter’s day. Our family relations touch three centuries. So I know Wayne James. And Manly Manners is Wayne James. It is, in effect, his wholehearted attempt to share with young men all over the world, from all walks of life, the special knowledge he was fortunate to have received as a result of a life truly lived. But not only does Wayne pour his razor-keen intellect into this great work, he also pours his gentle heart and soul: Manly Manners is written with love. And to read it is to feel that love—in every word, every sentence, every fact, every unexpected humorous twist or play on words. It is written such that a young man who begins reading it, despite its formidable size, will want to finish it, even if at times under the bedsheets, aided by flashlight.

Wayne and I first met as little boys on St. Croix over a half-century ago when my parents were visiting his parents and grandparents in our mutual Caribbean homeland. As such, I have seen him, with his innate, incomparable elegance, graciously navigate his triumphs and his failures, his lows and his highs. And without doubt, the Manly Manners trilogy ranks amongst this man’s greatest achievements. It is, therefore, my sincerest honor to contribute this Foreword to what I am convinced will go down in history as the most comprehensive and important treatise on men’s manners of the 21st century.

Baron Peter von Troil
Finland and Sweden

The Makeshift Bidet

The Makeshift Bidet

In northern Europe, Great Britain, and much of the world influenced thereby, the bidet, alas, is not yet a standard bathroom fixture (though it should, on grounds of public health, be required by law the world over!). And “wet-wipes” are still not de rigueur in most bidet-less bathrooms. So, in essence, many inhabitants of the “First World” walk around with traces of “Number Two” up their butts.
But for the gentleman who has experienced the beauty of a bidet, there is no turning back: “Once you go bidet, there is no other way.” So what’s a gentleman to do when he encounters a loo without a bidet? Cross his legs, hope to die, dry-wipe his butt then each thigh?
Enter: The Makeshift Bidet. In lieu of a bidet, attached to the water-source of some toilets is a douchette—a hose with a spray-faucet. A douchette is used thus: After using toilet paper to dry-wipe, a gentleman flushes the toilet, then positions himself towards the front of the toilet seat, thereafter using the hose, held in his right hand, to spray water onto the small of his back as his cupped left hand, into which a dab of liquid soap has been dispensed, is used as a “catchment” directly under the buttocks (and above the water in the toilet bowl!) to catch the water cascading down the cleft of his buttocks, washing his anus, buttocks, and genitals clean. When a proper cleansing has been achieved, the gentleman raises himself from the toilet seat, pat-dries his buttocks and genitals with paper towel, then preliminarily self-washes his left hand over the toilet, using the right hand to operate the douchette. Thereafter, the hose is replaced onto its wall-mounted holder; the toilet is again flushed; the toilet seat is tidied before its lid is lowered; the gentleman thoroughly washes both hands with soap and water over the washbasin; then rearranges his clothing in preparation for exiting the restroom.
Some bathrooms that have neither bidet nor douchette have a makeshift bidet–a plastic pitcher (usually with a long spout such as those used for watering potted plants), that is placed discretely, but suggestively, next to the toilet. Filling the pitcher with cool water before using the toilet, a gentleman, after dry-wiping and flushing the toilet, positions himself towards the front of the toilet seat as described above, thereafter using the pitcher, held in his right hand, to pour water onto the small of his back as his cupped left hand, bearing a dab of liquid soap, is used to cleanse himself. Thereafter, the empty pitcher is returned to its original position, and the gentleman proceeds to tidy the toilet and himself in preparation for exiting the restroom.

Jewish Business Etiquette

-Many self-employed Jews observe a six-day workweek, but working hours on Friday are oftentimes shortened in anticipation of the Sabbath, which begins at sundown on Friday and extends until sundown on Saturday. Orthodox Jews are likely to observe the Sabbath by refraining from all business dealings, including business-related phone calls.

-Business attire and etiquette are generally informed by the host culture.

-The Jewish calendar is lunar; therefore, holidays may occur on different dates from year to year vis a vis the solar calendar. (But per a lunar calendar, the holidays actually occur on the same dates from year to year). Jewish holidays generally begin the evening of the day before the date identified for the holiday’s observance on non-Jewish solar calendars. There are several Jewish holidays of which a non-Jew should be cognizant. A gentleman conducting business with Jewish counterparts and colleagues would be wise to be mindful of these important observances in his interactions.

a) Passover—the holiday which celebrates the Jewish Exodus from Egypt. The holiday is celebrated for seven or eight days, beginning on the night of a full moon in the month of April. Many Jews refrain from eating bread and grain products during the Passover holidays. Strictly observant Jews do not work, go to school, or conduct business during the first two and last two days of Passover. It is best not to invite Jews to events involving food during Passover.

b) Rosh Hashanah—the Jewish New Year. The holiday typically occurs between Labor Day and Columbus Day and lasts for one or two days, depending on the branch of Judaism. Even non-observant Jews tend to go to synagogue on Rosh Hashanah (and Yom Kippur. See below). Rosh Hashanah is treated as New Year’s Day in most parts of the world, where people reflect on the past year and plan optimistically for the new year. Rosh Hashanah is also a holiday to begin mentally preparing for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, which follows shortly thereafter.

c) Yom Kippur—the Day of Atonement, when Jews reconcile their mistakes of the past year with God. It is a day of repentance and fasting and occurs on the ninth day after the first day of Rosh Hashanah (usually in late September or October on a solar calendar). Fasting lasts 25 consecutive hours.

d) Chanukkah—the “Festival of Lights”—commemorates the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after a successful revolt against the Seleucid Greeks. As part of the victory celebration, the Jews needed to light the Temple’s menorah but only had one day’s supply of oil. But an eight-day supply of oil was needed, and eight days would be required to produce the necessary oil. Miraculously, the one day’s supply of oil lasted the full eight days. So the miracle of the oil is celebrated with the eight-day candelabra-lighting holiday. Chanukkah oftentimes overlaps with Christmas. It should never, however, be referred to as “the Jewish Christmas.” Though Chanukkah is, in actuality, a minor Jewish holiday, many Jews gather with their families at night to light the candles of their respective family menorah. And while most Jews work, attend school, and conduct business during the Chanukkah, many prefer to have their evenings free so as to be home with their families for the candle-lighting ritual. Today, partly because of the social pressure derived from the holiday’s proximity to Christmas, many Jewish families give gifts to their children. But the holiday is traditionally spent playing games for chocolate “coins” and eating potato pancakes. The large menorah decorations in public areas serve primarily to assert the Jewish faith in the midst of the oftentimes concurrent, seemingly overwhelming Christmas celebrations.

Other Jewish holidays that are less-known by non-Jews (and even some Jews):

-Sukkot—the “festival of booths,” commemorates the Biblical account of the Jews wandering in the desert, where they had to build temporary shelter. Many observant Jews pitch a tent or build a shed in their backyards and sleep and eat there during the holiday observance. Sukkot, as important a holiday as Passover, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur, occurs on the fifth day of Yom Kippur and typically occurs in late September or early October. The holiday lasts for seven days. Many Jews do not work during the first two days of the holiday and prefer to eat dinners in their makeshift shelters with their families.

-Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah—both holidays occur immediately after Sukkot, the former being an extra day added on to Sukkot; and the latter being a celebration of the completion of the annual cycle of Biblical readings during Sabbath services.

-Tu B’Shevat—which occurs in late January or early February, is, for all intents and purposes, the “Jewish Arbor Day” and is used to calculate the age of trees for certain religious purposes. The holiday takes place on the 15th day of the Jewish month of Shevat. On this day, the Jewish people celebrate the New Year of trees, plants, and flowers. Ecological in nature, the holiday is usually celebrated with the planting of trees. A special gift of the holiday is to plant a tree in a person’s honor on the holiday.

-Purim—is in effect the “Jewish Madri Gras.” The festive holiday occurs in March, one month before Passover, and celebrates the rescuing of the Jews from a Hitler-like, genocidal tyrant. Work is not forbidden on this day, but some Jews celebrate the day by not working.

-Yom Ha-Shoah—Holocaust Remembrance Day, observed in late April or early May.

-Shavu’ot—commemorates the giving of the Torah at Mt. Sinai. This very important holiday occurs between the end of May and the beginning of July, and lasts for one to two days, depending on the branch of Judaism.

-Tish B’av—commemorates the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem and other great tragedies of the Jewish people. The holiday occurs in late July or during August. Fasting is required, but working is not forbidden. Many observant Jews, however, prefer not to work so as to avoid fasting in the presence of persons who are feasting.

-Yom Ha-Atzma’ut (Israeli Independence Day, late April or May)
-Yom Ha-Zikkaron (Israeli Memorial Day, in May)
-Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Day, late May or early June)

There are five other minor fasting days which occur during various times of the year. Those days are observed only from sunrise to sunset.

A Brief History of Sandals

Man has worn shoes from time immemorial; the oldest known footwear—a pair of sandals made of woven sagebrush bark and found in Fort Rock Cave in the state of Oregon—is believed to be at least 10,000 years old.

Sandals
If sandals are the earliest form of footwear, then thong-style sandals are amongst the most enduring styles of sandals. The ancient Egyptians wore thongs as far back as 4000 B.C.E. But the appeal of the thong to Americans is much more recent: It derives from the Japanese zōri to which American soldiers took a liking after World War II. The soldiers brought them back to the United States, and by the 1960s, thongs had become popular among both men and women. Also called “flip-flops,” a word which derives onomatopoeically from the sound made when the sandals flap against the ground and the sole of the feet, thongs are regarded as the ultimate beach shoe and are ubiquitous in seaside cities such as Rio de Janeiro and Recife.

The Seven-Fold Tie–the most luxurious of all men’s ties

Exquisite Ties
It is oftentimes said that a gentleman should never compromise on the quality of his shoes, his belt, or his necktie, for they are barometers of taste. A tie is a deceptively simple accessory: The making of a standard long-tie involves approximately 25 steps. A good tie should be made by hand—not by machine—of an exquisite shell (outer) fabric and an excellent lining and interlining. But the crème de la crème of long-ties is the “self-tip, seven-fold tie,” made by hand of a luxurious fabric, with the shell fabric being folded inward upon itself as the tie is being shaped, thereby eliminating the need for any interlining or lining of other fabrics. Consequently, the seven-fold tie consumes more than twice the amount of the shell fabric than other handmade ties, and, as a result, typically costs more than twice as much. But for the connoisseur, the seven-fold tie, with its special “finishes” such as “self-tips,” a “self-loop,” hand-crocheted bar tacks, and a hand-tacked label reward its wearer tenfold. And immediately upon beholding such a tie, one senses its special attributes. As is said in the trade, a seven-fold tie possesses a superior “hand.”